Sunday, December 09, 2007
tender surprise
today was a good day. because a friend showed up at my door, just when i needed one most.
jewit @ 6:14 PM
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
being blunt
who was i kidding?
i was ready to change my perspective. that some guys are not jerks.
stupid move.
it's back to basics. no one is man enough to be my man.
jewit @ 7:35 AM
Monday, November 12, 2007
we did it again...
how did i enjoy my weekend, let me count the ways:
1. snorkelling in Pescador Island and Basdaku.
2. singing 80's hits on a jukebox-like videoke.
3. gulping down very cold red horse beer while dancing like mad and drenching in sweat on a P20-entrance-fee-disco dancefloor.
4. getting tipsy-bordering-drunk thereafter.
5. staring at the skies on a starry night at the beach.
6. catching 10 falling stars.
7. winning two bets with matt.
8. watching maritess vs. the super friends on youtube on the same beach.
9. walking in the rain on the way to kawasan falls =)
10. playing with the big rocks and the gushing water (with very strong current) on the falls.
11. jake treating us to dinner at don henrico's.
and a few more things:
1. jeri's trademark laughs.
2. rezza's trying-hard imitation of those laughs.
3. kara's super green punchlines.
4. lilah making sure we are safe and well-fed amidst all the laughters.
5. tintin quietly and sometimes-not-so-quietly watching all the commotion.
6. gm stirring clear from all the commotion.
7. jovanih and the lolo jokes.
8. jake's own version of rezza's imitation laughs.
9. guy bickering with me every chance he gets.
10. doods taking pictures.
11. matt heading the mean team.
12. atan na ta! (right tan?)
13. me and everything else...
who says summertime can't happen in november?
=)
p.s. special thank you to kara for giving us another dose of the life of the haciendera's guests.
pictures later.
*winks*
jewit @ 1:42 PM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
love fool
according to that atomic kitten song, love doesnt have to hurt to feel good.
this is definitely not that. i sure am hurting right now. anyway i look at it only hurts. and the more i look at it, all the more the hurt becomes real.
=(
jewit @ 1:30 PM
Friday, October 12, 2007
remember my name - shame
its a shame how you engage in an ardent conversation to try and convince a person to live more when you are hardly living the life you want to live.
its an equal shame to be an advocate of laughing your way through life when all you want to do is cry till you're all spent.
its a great shame how people would easily think of running to you when they are in trouble and you can run to no one during your most intense troubles.
its a shame that the only person who can see through you is the same person you want to hide away from.
its just a shame to be surrounded with lovers on rocky relationships and be relieved you aren't in one but actually feel like you'd rather be in an intense, crazy, elating mess than drag yourself through the drudgery of your lonely-for-too-long-now life.
how dreadfully shameful it is to enjoy hooking up with a great guy and realize early on he's not what you want but you still want him nevertheless (gotta grab his heart till it breaks, like how that "Fame" song goes).
its a terrible shame to be happy that you're finally over an old love because its actually sad to be in an i-love-no-one state.
its an ugly shame to try so hard to find your way back to love and blabber too much about it when deep inside you know you've already had too much.
its an amazing shame how you finally try to reach out once again only to be grilled about being absent for so long (can't anyone have some space anymore?)
its a cruel shame how you try so hard to go out less and sleep some more only to feel restless when you hit the bed early.
he is mistaken. i do not oppose him just for the heck of it, or because i love to retaliate at whatever he has to say.
i find myself agreeing pretty much with his contentions. in fact, im slowly finding myself in his shoes. but i CAN'T just agree. i have to stop turning myself into one of them.
that will be a shining, shimmering, splendid shame.
if that hasn't happened yet.
shame. shame. shame.
jewit @ 4:02 AM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
spell revenge
how long have i been gone here?
long enough to make me miss ranting my heart out on this page i guess.
long enough to make me realize while reading my older entries how much i've changed and learned the whole time i kept mum about my stuff.
long enough to actually make me yearn to connect to my cheesy-dorky-nerdy-crazy virtual self again.
long enough for people (who only read the nomad to get updated with whats happening to me) to wonder if i am still cheesy-dorky-nerdy-crazy.
i have got to come back.
back to where i can actually type, read and re-read what i make out of this unwritten bogus.
life is hard. and interesting. and chaotic. fun. hilarious. unpredictable. boring. exhilirating. crazy.
i have soooo many stories to tell.
watch out world.
i am back. (was i ever gone anyway? =p)
revenge is sweet.
jewit @ 5:38 AM
Friday, July 20, 2007
when the wrong feels right
the person who cheats with you will cheat on youi forgot when i stumbled over this phrase and from whom i actually heard this first but it has stuck in my mind eversince. not only was i scorned by a cheating lover, i also somehow noticed that yes, this holds a lot of truth.
i grew up regarding relationships as something a person should put in a pedestal in life. and cheating is like a grave sin one will suffer stereotyping upon all his life. (i am using the male pronoun as they're usually the ones who are polygamous).
time and again, i've told people that i am a simple girl, idealistic but simple yes, who wants simple things. but as it turned out, i've proven to be a complicated bunch of happenings. i never thought my complicated, fairy-tale-like love story would end up in a tragic telenobela like ending- with me crying in the end over a third party.
i have to admit that many times when i cry at night, i loathed her and deep in my heart i wished to be avenged. but miraculously, i survived holding my head up without giving in to my raw urge to claw my nails on her on every possible ways i could scheme and create in my head.
although time has served many lessons of all that happened among all of us, i never thought i'd find myself in her shoes.
i have no logical explanations on what i am feeling. except the fact that i am overwhelmed that i am still capable of feeling it after a long time, and after being burned so many times in the relationship department.
i have no intention of fighting it too. and to some observant people, it is not hard to figure me out (and I don't intend to deny, I am freaking 25 this year!). but this i am sure -
i will not be a cause of the same heartbreak i suffered to someone else.so if you catch me wearing my heart on my sleeves, that is me being the girl i loathed for a long time, and that is me learning my lesson not to judge her again...and until i learn to accept the fact that i can never be her, that i will not be a third party ever, i will continue to make sense of this feeling.
come to think of it, most guys i've had close encounters with has had girlfriends. im getting sick of getting rid of them. its about time i attract "straight" guys (by straight, i mean brave men who actually fight off their polygamous-tendencies-heck-of-an-excuse) this time.
this *song feels good and "kilig"
*I don’t know why but when I look in your eyes
I feel something that seems so right
You’ve got yours I’ve got mine
I think I’m losing my mind
Coz I shouldn’t feel this way
Catch me I’m falling for you
And I don’t know what to do
How can something so wrong
Feels so right all along?
Catch me I’m falling for you
How can time be so wrong
For love to come along?
Catch me I’m falling for you
How can love let it grow
When it has no place to go
And I can’t go along pretending
That love isn’t here to stay
Catch me i’m falling for you ooh ooh
If I could just walk away
Without you floating today
I would die just thinking of you
I know we can’t therefore be more than friends you and me
But why do I feel this way
Catch me I’m falling for you
And I don’t know what to do
How can something so wrong?
Feels so right all along
Catch me i’m falling for you
How can time be so wrong
For love to come along?
Catch me I’m falling you
Maybe someday I’ll see why love did this to me
Coz I can’t go along pretending
That love isn’t here to stay
Catch me I’m falling for you
Catch me I’m falling for you
And it’s wrong for me to feel this way
Coz I don’t know what to do without you
I’m falling for you
Catch me I’m falling for you
How can something so wrong?
Feels so right all along
Catch me I’m falling for youbut this **phrase is more divine:
**At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.
But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.* Toni Gonzaga- Catch Me I'm Falling
** Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy
jewit @ 10:11 PM
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
let the pain be
there is much to be said about pain and hurting.
in a generation of pain relievers, anesthesia and euthanasia, pain is not only a culprit to be hated but a condition we all want to evade and hope never to experience again.
i have strong tolerance to pain. which means i only recognize it in high intensity. and although it may seem like a cool disposition, i actually wish i am more sensitive to pain so i can detect it when it is still slightly throbbing. people like me, according to the scientific community are prone to complicated diseases like cancer, since we only detect the body's complaints when its condition is already at its worse.
but no matter how complicated or minimal we experience pain, it serves a purpose. whether it is a reminder to take care of ourselves more or to let us know something's wrong, it is not a villain but a friend in disguise. whatever it serves for, and however it manifests, we have to understand that we don't need to know the why's and how's while we are experiencing it. we only need to know that it doesnt last forever.
and that we need to embrace it, let it grip our body, endure it for as long as we could so we can let it go gracefully. sometimes it would take the world around us to notice what's wrong. and the world will serve us what we need for us to get through.
because believe it or not, even if it takes years- pain subsides. we have to let it serve its time and stop holding on to it by either fighting it or magnifying it.
then only can we recognize the purpose it served.
pain makes us make bad decisions; fear of pain makes us make even worse ones.
-House, MD
jewit @ 4:57 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
beauty as the beast
it has been a while since my last post...i left you all with the meantime girl status, and though i can tell you that much of me has changed in such a short time, the meantime girl me has whacked me with a big bang.
the oracle in the movie 300 was said to be cursed. she was beautiful you see, and they have to make justice to the line "her beauty is her curse". i have to digress though. the oracle was lucky. her beauty saved her from the cruel lashes of time and experience (or the lack thereof), and she was always communing with the divine.
i am touched that some really concerned people would lavish and slap me with affirmations. and if you really insist on optimism, i suggest you stop reading this post right here.
let me define how beauty is really a curse.
some think that good-looking people are the luckier ones. that they get all the attention, admirers, praises, ravishing partners and greater opportunities. what a powerful message of the media.
i am a firm believer in christina aguilera's "i am beautiful no matter what they say" line. you see, i didnt realize i am a late bloomer. i didnt get all the attention, praises, ravishing admirers and turn opportunities my way with the flip of my hair and the bat of my eyes.
and that is where ignorance pushed curiosity to kill the cat.
all these are new to me. and most times i would just laugh at all the attention and all the bluffs men throw my way. until this highschool heartthrob joined the list.
i do not know him much. he doesnt even know my real name. and its better it stayed that way. so that i wont have to be reminded that to him i was just a pretty face and a trophy he won.
so to all the guys who might have been insulted at my laughing at your compliments- okay, sorry, i believe you now.
i just wish you would look beyond my colored hair, my slim figure, my pimple-free face and fair skin so that you, can instead, laugh at my jokes, discuss the books we can read together, watch shrek 3 with me, do researches together, watch the sunset together, order jollibee value meals with me, talk to me about incomes, take me to the beach and so many things we can do without my having to put my make-up on.
that's how beauty can be a curse. it would take a smart eye to really figure it out. and most of the time, people only use the eye, and skip the smart part.
yes, i committed that mistake myself.
jewit @ 3:13 PM
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
The Meantime Girl
What's a Meantime Girl?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.
She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable ? she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?!
But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs ? she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.
She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won't be around.
Labels: dedications
jewit @ 2:34 PM
